The need to belong is one of our strongest, most compelling desires as human beings. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our need for belonging and love sits right in the center.
Our brains, hearts and souls need to feel a part of a community. Our brain fights for homeostasis, always desiring to keep us running on familiar neural pathways. When left on auto-pilot we replay the same thoughts, actions, beliefs and patterns. We cling to our comfort zones, even when they are excruciating.
The issues arises when the community and tribe we belong to is one that isn’t in true alignment with our soul.
Many people experience this in their families of origin and feel the need to escape their parents or caregivers and reach for something DIFFERENT or MORE. Other experience this in a marriage when one partner wants to set out on a new path, or go down a rabbit hole, and the other partner wants to stay put. The marriage often can’t survive.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself when you feel like you’re on a growth edge, pulling away from the “pack,” under the surface there is fear that you’ll be ousted if you change too much.
Maybe for you it shows up as a desire to increase your financial prosperity, but your Inner Mean Girl (IMG) tells you that you’ll feel separate from your community, who is struggling to pay the bills.
Or your IMG tells you that if you get in better shape, your girlfriends/sister/mom/mate might feel scared or jealous of your new physique.
Or that if you succeed and take your visionary business to the next level, your colleagues will view you as “better than” and superior.
Or that if you deepen your spiritual practice too much, your friends will think you’ve gone “woo-woo.”
The message, consciously or subconsciously, becomes it is NOT SAFE for you to shine your light or change for the better. You will be exiled from the tribe. You will no longer belong. You’ll be seen as disloyal.
So your Inner Mean Girl and your basic human need to belong begins to sabotage you and you stay put. Stuck in a vicious cycle, terrified to change. Suddenly the health, wealth & joy you hunger for simply feels NOT WORTH THE COST.
If your answer is no, then it’s time for you to connect with a community that is in alignment with where you WANT TO BE vs. WHERE YOU ARE. Seek out circle that will hold you in your greatness. For example:
Want more prosperity? Hang out with those that are abundant & are consciously reaching for more success by joining a mastermind.
Want more health? Socialize with health nuts by joining a gym, running group, or training for a marathon.
Want more self-love & happiness? Join a women’s circle of bright lights or go on a retreat with like-hearted souls.
Want to be a better mom? Join a mom’s group that is filled with soulful mamas who believe their children are their greatest teachers.
Doing this changed my life. When I moved back home to the SF Bay Area 8 years ago, I consciously decided to create and join communities where I could shine. I joined a moms group, created a powerful mastermind, hired an amazing business mentor & coach and made a decision to only have friendships that felt energetically delicious. Even when we vent or need space held for disappointments and the inevitable tragedies of life, I feel a beautiful energy exchange vs. feeling sucked dry to the bone.
Where in your life are you ready to create a new tribe? I’d love to witness your commitment below.
P.S. I have two circles and tribes forming right now that might be in amazing alignment for you on your journey:
If you’re a visionary entrepreneur in search of a tribe of inspiring visionaries ready to soar to greater heights, check out the Visionary Ignition Mastermind. Led by Lissa Rankin, Bruce Cryer and me, this circle is already filling with spiritually minded visionaries. We are doing our FINAL round of applications, due this Saturday, for this incredible group of heart-centered visionaries.
If you’re a woman longing to live an Inner Wisdom led life, filled with self-compassion and self-love, join me and Christine Arylo for Inner Mean Girl Summer Camp this June! You’ll become a member of a powerful circle of soulful, real, committed women.